Leading or Being Led

“In all truth, I tell you when you were young you put on your belt and walked where you liked: but when you grow old you will stretch our your hands and somebody else will put a belt around you and take you where you would rather not go” (John 21:18).

One of my favorite books discovered in the last two years is a short one called In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri J.M. Nouwen. Some of you may have read this little gem. If you haven’t, don’t be scared away by the title of the book. I would recommend it to anyone who lives the Christian life. All of us are leaders in some way, whether in our homes with our family members, or with friends, or in the marketplace. Leadership skills are required of all of us at some point. 

The beauty of this little book is that it upends the cultural expectations of leadership in favor of a model of self-sacrifice, humility, and vulnerability that is both refreshing and convicting. The refreshing part comes from being rooted in the pursuit of living like Jesus and modeling our life on the pattern laid out for us. Nouwen’s own journey offers hope and joyful expectation of the possibilities of this kind of life. This pursuit does not lead us down the path of power and control, but down the path of loving sacrifice, humility, and servant leadership. If these themes sound familiar, you may be tempted to think “you know” all about this. I can relate.

That is why I say the book is also convicting. The reality of the lives we live versus the way we are called to live (or think we know how to live) often doesn’t line up. Our disposition toward sin, and serving ourselves, and protecting ourselves, and growing in knowledge so we can make a difference in this world is powerful. And not just powerful, but subtle and alluring and often centered in some good motives. But the temptation toward self-focus leads to efforts that subtly exert power over others even in ways we don’t always see.

Henri Nouwen says that the temptation of power is so irresistible because power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. “It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life” (Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus, 77). If that doesn’t stop you in your tracks, take a minute and reread it. He would go on to say that this temptation to replace love with power goes all the way back to Genesis 3:5. The allure of the fruit to make us like God, knowing good from evil overtook our earliest ancestors (77). Ever since, it is the long painful history of the church that people have “chosen power over love, control over the cross, being a leader over being led” (77). And here’s the summation of his thought, “The temptation of power is greatest when intimacy is a threat” (79). His point, if not clear enough, is that too many Christians do not know how to “give and receive love” (79). 

Speaking roughly 900 years earlier, Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153) outlined four different degrees of love: 1. Love of Self for Self’s Sake; 2. Love of God for Self’s Sake; 3. Love of God for God’s Sake; 4. Love of Self for God’s Sake. Isn’t that last one captivating? I think that is what Nouwen is getting at in defining his concept of love. Clairvaux says it this way, “In a manner of speaking, we lose ourselves as though we did not exist, utterly unconscious of ourselves and emptied of ourselves” (Richard Foster & James Smith, Devotional Classics, 42). He would go to say that it is difficult to live there when confronted with the routines of life, but not impossible. And this kind of love is definitely something we should be longing for. To be wholly God’s, uncaring and unconcerned with our own wants/desires, available and committed to God for His purposes. Yet, it is God who meets us in this pursuit and makes this kind of love a reality. 

While these are just a few of the reflections into my devotional journey of late, I want to put a fine tip on them for us as we dive deeper into our study and awareness of gender violence. At the heart of most gender violence, indeed much violence in general is the issue of power and control. We learned recently in a group discussion that often power and control are not consciously sought after, but are more of an expectation, or an entitlement based on your position. Privileged positions often come with power, and when that power is not willingly given away, it becomes self-serving. And, to be clear, it is not in our nature to give away power. Not everyone feels powerful and certainly, not everyone is privileged in the same way. Yet, when given the chance, nearly everyone will exert power and control unless taught to do otherwise. The more privilege you have, the more abusive you can become. 

That is where the work of the Holy Spirit must come in. God, because of His love, and through the gift of His Holy Spirit must rend our hearts to fully trust in Him so that we can give away our power. Jesus came to restore that which was broken in the Garden. God’s design was never for power and control over each other, but mutual submission, love, and creative stewardship over the earth. Our God-given leadership ability was for stewardship of abundant resources for the flourishing of all life and creation. When power over others becomes our dominant paradigm, we lose our creative energy and ability to influence the creation according to God’s intent. 

Today the Church is meant to be this model of a community committed to self-sacrificial love. Christians are called to demonstrate this kind of love through intimate, caring, and sacrificial relationships. We are called to love. No one in our church (or the world for that matter) should be experiencing the alienating isolation and fear of being abused because someone in their life is exerting sinful power over them. Whether that power displays in physical forms of abuse (sometimes sexual), or mental/emotional manipulation, or abuse of spiritual authority, we as a church condemn it and are striving to live differently. We want to create safe spaces, offer resources, provide help and support to those who live in fear, danger, and pain. The church is called to be a place of healing, restoration, reconciliation, and wholeness. It simply cannot be that unless we choose love instead of power. Unless we choose the way of humility and servanthood, over name and recognition. Unless we choose the cross over any form of control. 

We are on a journey of discovery of what we can, and I believe are called to be, as disciples of Jesus Christ. We are working that out through sermons, through small groups that study God’s Word, through seminars that explore the darkest parts of our societal realities, through prayer, and through the study of those who have gone before us and discerned some powerful truths about God and human nature. This journey will take time. It will take commitment. It will take perseverance. It will take community. It is not easy to let go of self, and the power and control associated with desires, dreams, and even our fears, and instead choose love. But, neither is it impossible. It is the journey we are on together. 

Nouwen says, “Jesus has a different vision of maturity: It is the ability and willingness to be led where you would rather not go” (Nouwen, 83). I invite us all to probe whether we are being led, or trying to lead. Holy Spirit, come and form us into a community willing to be led into the way of Love. May we shed the cultural norms of power and control in favor of your love for each other and those all around us in need of that healing love.

We have so much more to unpack as we consider how this applies to each of our lives. Thanks for walking the journey with me.

In Love,

Pastor Scott